Different views regarding "The Big L"...
Shakespeare: "Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind"
Dictionary.com: noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
According the the best selling book: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Musically they have said it is a 'many-splendored thing', that it 'lifts us up where we belong' and that it is all we need.
As for my friend, she feels that (paraphrasing) "love is not a feeling or emotion, but that instead the feeling people have is infatuation and that feeling will fade. That feeling will fade. Love is a choice. When infatuation fades, you choose to love the other and honor the commitment you made to them. You make it work."
Each of these have very valid points in the argument. When I think of my friends feelings on the subject, I can't help but think of one of my favorite songs by Meat Loaf. In "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights", the main character makes a promise, during a moment of passion, to love the girl "until the end of time". He then falls out of love/infatuation and is then "praying for the end of time" so he can end his time with her. He is nobly staying true to the promise he made but is not happy and is regretting it.
Do I believe people fall out of love? Sure. Do I believe that people who truly are in love never have problems and everything is always hunky dory and they never have to work on it and work things out? NO. Absolutely not. There will be hard times. You commit to each other, "for better and worse".
All that being said, I believe that if you love a person (and they love you in return), you both should be willing to work on things. You should be willing to fight for your love. You should NOT settle and accept the cards that have been dealt to you.
Of course I do believe many rush into saying (and perhaps believing) that they are in love when it might not be the case.
Love at first sight... Maybe, but unlikely. Definitely infatuation/lust at first sight (of course). However, that should not the the only thing a relationship is built on.
I like to think of "The Wedding Singer" Broadway or movie and the song "Grow Old With You".
Beyond the infatuation/lust/love, whatever you want to call it, there are the little things that are very important. To me at least. Besides enjoying the others company you should enjoy the idiosyncrasies of the person, they should not be something that you put up with or cringe about but smile about. A former girlfriend would get very tense walking on cracks in the sidewalk, she would grip my hand tighter when she had to walk on a crack or over a grate in the sidewalk (or was pulled over one by me - yeah I am twisted). It did not exasperate me, it made me smile. I thought it was cute.
It is remembering the little things like how they like there hamburgers or what their favorite beverage is.
For me it is more than anything physical in the relationship, it is knowing that when you see that person, everything is going to be okay. You can tell them anything and they won't judge you. You can vent to them and you are ready to let them vent to you.
Some of the best time you spend together is sitting silently watching T.V. and being comfortable enough to fall asleep and if it is the other that fell asleep enjoying just watching them peacefully sleeping.
Alas, I have not found that lady for myself but someday I will find someone who has a quirk that will make me smile each time I see it. Someone that I will want to grow old with. Someone that I will want to take care of and who will want to take care of me. Someone who I will feel perfectly at ease falling asleep next to, and who I can watch sleep and get a sense of peace.
Not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday.
"The course of true love never did run smooth"
