Some may say that I am over thinking things and that everything will happen as it should. It is on God's timetable not my own. I can understand this but I am just looking at the numbers...
At this point in my life I do not have a Girlfriend, no real prospects, and not in a very stable job situation so if I were to have a prospect I would not feel super-comfortable thinking about starting a family with her.
Sometimes I wonder if I have done something wrong with my life. What have I accomplished? Did I make a wrong turn? Did I make a wrong choice? (Yes, everything we do and every choice that we make, good and bad, develops us into who we are.) What if I had made a different choice ten years ago, twenty? What would be happening in my life right now? Would I be taking a kid to daycare or fearing them becoming a teen in a couple of years? Your basic butterfly effect...
I see friends from high school and college who have gotten married and have a family and are able to watch them grow up. I see friends who are a good decade younger than myself in the same scenario. In theory they are in a stable enough job in which they can afford this. (I know I know, things can always be tight and money does not buy happiness. It does not buy happiness but it can make for a less stressful time of things.) Many will also tell you that you will never be completely stable financially, there will always be another bill, another expense. You will not always be ready for all of them.
What have I done with my life?
When I really look at it, I have done a lot of things that many people my age have not had the opportunity to do, if they will ever have the chance.
One of the first things is that I was able to go to college. Some of my cousins have attended but I am the first in my immediate family to get a degree.
The major thing that I have been able to experience was travel. I worked on Celebrity Cruise lines for several years and toured all over the Caribbean, Alaska and Europe. Not many can check off; Russia, France, Egypt, Jerusalem, Amsterdam, Sweden, Norway, Germany, Turkey,
Greece, Spain, Ireland, Aruba, Acapulco, St. Marteen, Jamaica, traversing the Panama Canal seeing the calving of a glacier on their list (bucket or otherwise).
(I almost didn't make it back to the ship in France and Alaska, I tried to walk under it in Amsterdam, and got my pocket picked in Russia but those are stories for another time...)
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| Guggenheim Museum, NY NY |
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| Flam, Norway |
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| Helsinki Cathedral - Helsinki, Finland |
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| Hubbard Glacier, AK |
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| St. Basil's - Moscow, Russia |
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| Church in Honor of Mary Magdalene - Jeruselem |
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| The Little Mermaid - Copenhagen, Denmark |
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| Church of the Spilt Blood - St. Petersburg, Russia |
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| Barbados |
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| Kremlin - Moscow, Russia |
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| The Louvre - Paris, France (HUGE!!! Wish I could put up a panoramic shot...) |
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| The Sphinx and Giza Pyramids Sphinx was much smaller than it appears in pictures |
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| My Camel and more Pyramids |
Again, not trying to brag, just give you a better idea of where I am coming from.
So I have done some stuff with my life so far. However, there is so many more things that I want to do... Having a family and passing on the family name is the main thing.
IF... TOMORROW... I had a good job, a great girlfriend that I could see myself falling in love with and growing old with, and married her the next day, had a baby in the next nine months (preferably in that order)... I would be about 54 years old when that first child graduated from high school... This is all assuming I get married and get right into the baby making next week... Not likely to happen, so that is just pushing that age further and further along. Good thing men don't really have that whole biological clock thing going on for them...
This is all considering one kid. The way my mind is working I need at least two... One of each...
I would like a boy for my own desire to pass along the family name. It is pretty much up to me if decades from now there are to be any 'Berry's' running around in shorts in the middle of winter.
I need to have a little girl for my Mom... She desperately wants a granddaughter. My sister has had three boys. Every time my Mom sees a little girl or a little girls outfit or little girl shoes, she says that she wants a little girl to dress up, she only has grandsons... Every now and then she mentions that it is up to me... No pressure though... :-)
I do know Mom just wants me to be happy with whatever happens in my life...
I truly believe that age is a state of mind. You are only as old as you feel. I don't feel like I am 36. Most people when they meet me do not realize that I am as old as I am. Often, people think I am a good ten years younger than I am. I guess that is a good thing but it does not change the fact that, the way things are going, I will be in my 60's when my kid(s) are graduating high school, not to mention college and urging my kids to get to having kids so I can enjoy the my grandchildren...
Phew... You are now free to exit the craziness of my mind and proceed with your, hopefully, saner life.
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| Black Sand Beach - Puntarenas, Costa Rica |
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