Only Time Will Tell If It Was Time Well Spent

This is not meant to be an excuse for my last blog, but more of a reason behind my feelings held within said blog.  This may sound whiny at times and bragy at others but it is just the stream of consciousness writing that is the way my brain works and what goes through it almost on a daily basis...  Welcome to my mind...  Maybe this is why I like to keep busy with work when I can, not giving my mind time to think about it...

Some may say that I am over thinking things and that everything will happen as it should.  It is on God's timetable not my own.  I can understand this but I am just looking at the numbers...

At this point in my life I do not have a Girlfriend, no real prospects, and not in a very stable job situation so if I were to have a prospect I would not feel super-comfortable thinking about starting a family with her.

Sometimes I wonder if I have done something wrong with my life.  What have I accomplished?  Did I make a wrong turn?  Did I make a wrong choice?  (Yes, everything we do and every choice that we make, good and bad, develops us into who we are.)  What if I had made a different choice ten years ago, twenty?  What would be happening in my life right now?  Would I be taking a kid to daycare or fearing them becoming a teen in a couple of years?  Your basic butterfly effect...

I see friends from high school and college who have gotten married and have a family and are able to watch them grow up.  I see friends who are a good decade younger than myself in the same scenario.  In theory they are in a stable enough job in which they can afford this.  (I know I know, things can always be tight and money does not buy happiness.  It does not buy happiness but it can make for a less stressful time of things.) Many will also tell you that you will never be completely stable financially, there will always be another bill, another expense.  You will not always be ready for all of them.

What have I done with my life?

When I really look at it, I have done a lot of things that many people my age have not had the opportunity to do, if they will ever have the chance.

One of the first things is that I was able to go to college.  Some of my cousins have attended but I am the first in my immediate family to get a degree.

The major thing that I have been able to experience was travel.  I worked on Celebrity Cruise lines for several years and toured all over the Caribbean, Alaska and Europe.  Not many can check off; Russia, France, Egypt, Jerusalem, Amsterdam, Sweden, Norway, Germany, Turkey,
Greece, Spain, Ireland, Aruba, Acapulco, St. Marteen, Jamaica,  traversing the Panama Canal seeing the calving of a glacier on their list (bucket or otherwise).

(I almost didn't make it back to the ship in France and Alaska, I tried to walk under it in Amsterdam, and got my pocket picked in Russia but those are stories for another time...)

Guggenheim Museum, NY NY

Flam, Norway

Helsinki Cathedral - Helsinki, Finland

Hubbard Glacier, AK

St. Basil's - Moscow, Russia

Church in Honor of Mary Magdalene - Jeruselem

The Little Mermaid - Copenhagen, Denmark

Church of the Spilt Blood - St. Petersburg, Russia

Barbados

Kremlin - Moscow, Russia

The Louvre - Paris, France (HUGE!!! Wish I could put up a panoramic shot...)

The Sphinx and Giza Pyramids
Sphinx was much smaller than it appears in pictures

My Camel and more Pyramids

Again, not trying to brag, just give you a better idea of where I am coming from.

So I have done some stuff with my life so far.  However, there is so many more things that I want to do...  Having a family and passing on the family name is the main thing.

IF... TOMORROW...  I had a good job, a great girlfriend that I could see myself falling in love with and growing old with, and married her the next day, had a baby in the next nine months (preferably in that order)...  I would be about 54 years old when that first child graduated from high school...  This is all assuming I get married and get right into the baby making next week...  Not likely to happen, so that is just pushing that age further and further along.  Good thing men don't really have that whole biological clock thing going on for them...

This is all considering one kid.  The way my mind is working I need at least two...  One of each...
I would like a boy for my own desire to pass along the family name.  It is pretty much up to me if decades from now there are to be any 'Berry's' running around in shorts in the middle of winter.
I need to have a little girl for my Mom...  She desperately wants a granddaughter.  My sister has had three boys.  Every time my Mom sees a little girl or a little girls outfit or little girl shoes, she says that she wants a little girl to dress up, she only has grandsons...  Every now and then she mentions that it is up to me...  No pressure though... :-)
I do know Mom just wants me to be happy with whatever happens in my life...

I truly believe that age is a state of mind.  You are only as old as you feel.  I don't feel like I am 36.  Most people when they meet me do not realize that I am as old as I am.  Often, people think I am a good ten years younger than I am.  I guess that is a good thing but it does not change the fact that, the way things are going, I will be in my 60's when my kid(s) are graduating high school, not to mention college and urging my kids to get to having kids so I can enjoy the my grandchildren...

Phew...  You are now free to exit the craziness of my mind and proceed with your, hopefully, saner life.

Black Sand Beach - Puntarenas, Costa Rica

Darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming

That is right...  It is that time of year again when a dark day falls on the calendar.  Black Tuesday approaches.  This darkest of days is more commonly known as Valentines Day.

I have nothing personal against the day itself, it is just an ugly reminder that for 36 years now I have been single (on that day).  I know my Valentine could be right around the corner and on year 37 I could have a whole different outlook on the day.  I like to be optimistic about life but 36 years and counting, no 'special someone' on that day so far...

The dreaded candy aisle...

It seems that the day begins to show it's ugly face the day after Christmas when the red and green candy is swapped with red and pink...  Hearts everywhere...  Little cupids mocking me and reminding me that I still don't have a "Plus One".  If I was invited to a wedding, I would have to check the box admitting that I would be attending alone.  Just one chicken...  No guest for me...



To make it even worse the evil(er) twin shows up a short eight months later.  I am referring to Sweetest Day.  According to the link, it is meant to recognize all loved ones but lets be honest.  It is a mini-valentine's day.  The candy aisle mocks, "still don't have a girlfriend huh?".

Ironically the former holiday originated to honor martyrs but has evolved into the 'holiday' it is today.  Candy hearts, overpriced flowers, and bitter singles sitting alone at the movies...

America spends about $15 million on gifts for loved ones.  Pretty wild.

A friend mentioned (after being bummed about being single for the moment) that love should be celebrated all year long.  It should not be saved up for one day (maybe two) during the year.

Back in the day, when finances allowed it, my Dad would always do special things for my Mom.  At one point he would get a special gift for her each month.

I am not saying that it has to be monetary at all.  If/when you find that someone special, you need to love them each day and make sure they know it.  Remember the little things (like if they don't like pickles on their burgers), and love their idiosyncrasies and all of their little quirks.

If you are lucky enough to have a special someone right now,  start this year off right and celebrate every day with them.  Don't save it for the 14th day in February.

While you are doing that, I will be wearing black in 'honor' of the day.

Perhaps next year I will be ooey-gooey...  Time will tell.

And the winner is?

In honor of the upcoming modern day gladiatorial combat (super bowl XLVI) I am taking this opportunity to make my call on who will be the winner.

NY Giants VS. New England Patriots

I say the NY Giants will win.

How did I come up with this pick?  Did I spend hours looking at the stats of each of the players and teams and figure which had the better chance of superiority?

Absolutely not...  I have a much more sophisticated and, in my opinion, logical way of deciding such important decisions as the outcomes of sporting events.

Mascots and colors!

As I don't follow sports I had to come up with some way to make a choice for when a football pool appeared at work or when when I was inevitably asked who I was rooting for...

1)  I look at the two mascots and decide which would actually win in a fight.  ie; Would a Giant beat a Patriot in a fight.  Of course.  A Giant against a mortal...  Nuff said.
It makes is a little odd when the mascot is inanimate.  My high school mascot was the Sabres.  We were swords.  Not a whole lot of fight in that.

2)  If it is a draw on which mascot would conquer the weaker...  Colors come into play.  Which ones go together better.  Some are pretty lame and others just look very cool.  In this particular case, colors do not come into play (fortunately - too tough a call).

That being said, there is something that presupposes a winner.  This would be any ties I have to a particular team or city.  If I have lived in a city/state I will pull for them.  I lived in Colorado so they would get an automatic bump up.  The same would go for Illinois, Tennessee and Florida.

New York gets a extra bonus as I spent a very nice summer in the state back in 2000 so I am claiming they will win with a bit of a lead.

Some places get a bonus as well based on friends/relative having gone to a particular school.  For example; a couple of my theatre professors went to Michigan State University so that school gets a bit of a bump up as a favorite.

Feel free to consult me @TheSethBerry should you have any questions in the future on which team you should bet on...  

***One school gets an honorary mention because the color scheme is so sweet.  It is The University of Maryland.  Their mascot is a turtle...  Not fast or vicious, but we can hope that they are more like Rahzar.

Life was so simple back then...

Although this day should be remembered for Martin Luther King, for the most part that is not what it means to many people.  To most it means a holiday from work or from school.

I am no different.

This day began having more significance for me in college.  Specifically sophomore year.  Before this it was a day off from school, cool but that was about the extent of it.

My sophomore year, I had turned 21.  I could drink without fear of arrest.  This meant it was an extra day to have parties.  Usually we bumped it up to begin the weekend on Thursday and went on through Sunday night and recovering on Monday.

Thinking about this day, and what it had meant in college, made me miss college.  Some say that high school was the best time of their life, they had a great time.  I hated high school, for the most part I did not have a good time, I could not wait for the day, the week, the year, the four years to end.

College was a whole different story.  The first semester was a rough one being away from home for the first time.  It was pretty lonely.  Although I knew that I was going to be a theatre major, it was a little tough to get 'in' to the group until I began working in the scene shop and working on shows.  (The first show was a hold over from the summer season so cast and crew was already assigned.)

Around October, I moved to a different dorm (closer to the theatre), and was getting involved more and it was great.  My room mate typically did not see me from morning until late at night, maybe catch a glimpse of me rushing in to change clothes before rehearsal.

Sophomore year I was living with Courtney and we had a good time.  We did a lot of\ stupid things, some minor injuries, but nothing serious. So all was good.

She annoyed Courtney...

I had to help...

 

Where else but college do you decorate with beer cans?

There was a connection between us, we were all in this thing together.

Some left too soon...

Finally graduation day came.  I knew that it possibly be the last time that I would see a lot of these people.  I have been able to see some of them periodically, we had a wonderful reunion of the theatre alumni and we were able to catch up.  I did a couple of visits after I had graduated to visit some people but that is about it.  For the most part many of the people that were such a big part of my life are not in it any more.  Perhaps I can blame myself for this as I moved out of state and ended up on a cruise ship for many years so I was out of the country but it is still unfortunate.

I often think of the Avenue Q song and think out nice it would be to go back to college.  I would have fewer worries (or less important in the long run).  I would not be timing deposits and checks written to make sure funds would be there for the bill.  I would not be wondering where the next car payment would be coming from.  And be anxiously awaiting replies to sent resumes and interviews when they do happen.            

All that being said, IF I did go back to college, would it be the same.  Would I have the same experiences or would my classmates be too different being from a different generation?

Probably not...

Were my experiences the way they were only because of the time that I was there and the people that I was there with?                              

Probably...

Thanks Dr. King for all that you did but I don't remember what you did on your day but my days in college.

If Music Be the Food of Love – Play On

They Say you should never judge a book by it's cover.  The same should be said for music.

I was listening to a SModcast episode when they started talking about 'The Pina Colada Song' - by Rupert Holmes.  I love that song, I thought.  (Actual title is Escape - who knew?)

 

It blew me away when I started to listen to the lyrics.  Check them out! It is not a nice happy fun song to listen two while you are sipping a boat drink.  It is kinda' sad.  The guy goes on to say how he is tired of his lady and is bored with her.  He decided to look in the paper looking for a little fling.  He sees one and arranges the meeting.  It ends up turning out the be his wife/girlfriend who placed the add.

???

They end up having a wonderful time together and 'escaping'.  Although the song ends nice what we don't seem to notice, or we allow, is that both parties were ready to cheat on the other. What if, he did not read her letter, what if it was a different add?

Hmmm...

This got me thinking about others songs which masquerade as a happy song (or a sad song) and are, in fact, the opposite.

Let us look at Every Breath You Take by Sting and The Police.

Sting himself has been disturbed a the number of people who love it as a great "love song".  That is not how  he wrote it.  The Wikipedia article about the song states that Sting was thinking more of 'Big Brother' and control.  The character in the song is stalking this person, the minor character has left and the main won't let her go, "you belong to me."

Kinda disturbing when you see what the lyrics are.

Next - Delilah - by Tom Jones

Feel free to sing along (you know you want to).

The chords in the beginning sound sinister but by the time you get to the chorus, every one is singing along and swaying back and forth.  Another festive love song or the beginning of a serial killer?  I am afraid it is the latter.

Dude sees the shadows of people on the shade and freaks because his lady is cheating on him.  He goes across the street and kills her.  He is sorry about it but being sorry does not bring Delilah back now does it?

(Too gruesome?  Try Silhouettes On the Shade - by The Rays.  Similar but a much happier ending.)

One more 'sad' one...

What would you do if you had $1,000,000?  

The Bare Naked Ladies answer this question with If I Had a Million Dollars

Upon first listen, it sounds nice.  Gets you thinking of what you would do if you had $1,000,000.  Would you by a monkey?  Have dijon ketchup?

Later on in the lyrics it finally answers the question.  This particular person would 'buy your love'.  Not exactly a good message.  What quality of person will he find if he buys their love?

Meat Loaf.  Mr. Aday.  You gotta love him...  He actually makes it on here with two!!!

 

First: Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Lyrics by Jim Steinman

This one is not quite as noble as are final song but at least he is being honest and straight forward with her.  He goes on to say they can talk about it forever but he is unable to say that he loves her.  He "wants" her and "needs" her, but he can't say that he loves her.  

What a jerk?

He explains that he can't because she is not his true love, he still is in love with the girl that got away.  She left him for another saying that she wanted him and needed him, but did not love him.  Unfortunately he has not been able to get over her.  Perhaps someday but not right now.

Initially sounds like a jerk but most say they want honesty in a partner.  He is simply being honest.

Finally: I Would Do anything For Love - Lyrics by Jim Steinman

 

  

The thing that most people don't like about the song is when Meat says the things he won't do.  It sounds like he is putting limitations on his love.  This is not the case.  Examining the lyrics you see that he is willing to do just about anything for love.  Including; going to Hell and back, he will 'take a vow', he will 'raise me up', and 'help me down'.  Pretty much anything.

The things he won't do; never forget the way you feel right now, never do it better than I do it with you, never stop dreaming of you every night of my life.

 

Sounds can be deceiving.

Give your favorite songs another listen.

#TheNewLent - a crazy experiment or a success?

So somewhere back in the beginning of March of this last year I decided to do something a little different for the lenten season.  (Besides doing anything for it as I am not Catholic I never really practiced or observed it, I just knew of it as my Mom was raised Catholic and that side of the family still is.  I kinda knew the deal...)

My idea was to do an anti-lent deal...  Instead of the traditional act of giving up something for the 40 days before Easter, I was going to start doing something for those days leading up to Easter.

Instead of not eating meat (animals are too tasty not to eat), or giving up pop/soda/Coke/cola/'tasty beverage' (whatever your region of the world tends to call it), I was going to begin an exercise regiment (again).  My plan was to do some sort of exercise each and every day, I needed to break a sweat and hopefully loose some inches in the process.

I have confidence in myself but everyone can use some support now and then.  What worked pretty well for me in college  was when "Big Dave" Wolski and I kept each other in check when we saw (or didn't see) the other at the rec working out as we tended to be there at the same time.  We held each other accountable.

I reached out to the Twitterverse, my tweeps and my Facebook friends and asked them for a favor. The hashtag #TheNewLent was born.
My request was for people to ask if I had worked out each day.  If they did not see a tweet/post stating that I had, I needed them to call me out on it.

March 9th, 2011 was the beginning of my challenge to myself.  I decided there was no room for the weak in The New Lent.  I would not be working out Monday through Friday, and taking the weekends off, 7 days a week 40 days.  No excuses.

As my counter climbed closer and closer to 40, I realized that we were still a bit off from Easter.  Apparently in the regular Lent, you are able to take Sundays off.  WHAT?  Did Jesus take Sundays off when he was fasting in the wilderness.  I don't think so...
The New Lent went from 40 days to 46 days.  In The New Lent we don't take Sundays off.  Remember, no room for the weak...

As it looked like I was going to succeed I wondered what was next...  Do I stop working out?  Go to M-F?  Work out unless I have a 'good excuse' or was not 'too tired'? Suggestions from my friends were either go until the next lenten season, or forever.  I liked the latter idea but was a bit unrealistic.

A month or so ago, it became official.  The New Lent 2011 was from March 9th until November 19th.  It is not because I did not want to continue, it is just because that is when we began moving from Tennessee to sunny Florida.  It was not real convenient to attempt exercise while on the road and/or after loading and unloading moving vans.  Some would say that loading a truck and moving furniture would count as exercise but I was not so sure.

Not sure what The New Lent 2012 will bring...  I will have to see...  Being 1/1/2012, I am attempting to get back into the exercise routine seeing we are somewhat settled in Florida.  Will it be every day as The New Lent was or will I wimp out and skip a day every now and then?  Only time will tell...  (Planning on doing something in the exercise realm before bed tonight - It is not tomorrow until you go to bed even if it is after midnight)

Results of The New Lent you ask?  Was is successful?  Did I lose weight?  I don't know if I lost weight or not as I haven't really weighed myself since I found out that muscle weighs more than fat which means that most football players and wrestlers are technically overweight when it comes to a height/weight chart.  Instead I go by BMI if I can or how my clothes fit and if I need to/am able to go to a smaller short size.
Yes, was able to go down to a smaller size short.  I won't say what that size is...  Let's just say I am right on the border of not having to pay Wal~Mart an extra $2 for my size shorts...

Wish me luck on the 'resolution' or continuation of The New Lent after the brief hiatus, however you want to look at it.  Or, better yet, keep me in check if you have nothing better to do...

Special thanks to @heathermcpike, @theecallie, Lyne Sequin, @hkliesner, @nonmary and anyone else I may have forgotten from back in March who faithfully checked in on me and watched my progress.

Journeys End With Lovers Meeting

"What is your definition of love?"  This was asked of me a bit back by a friend.  After much consideration, here are my feelings.

Different views regarding "The Big L"...   

Shakespeare: "Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind"

Dictionary.com: noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

According the the best selling book:  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


Musically they have said it is a 'many-splendored thing', that it 'lifts us up where we belong' and that it is all we need.

 

As for my friend, she feels that (paraphrasing) "love is not a feeling or emotion, but that instead the feeling people have is infatuation and that feeling will fade.  That feeling will fade.  Love is a choice.  When infatuation fades, you choose to love the other and honor the commitment you made to them.  You make it work."

Each of these have very valid points in the argument.  When I think of my friends feelings on the subject, I can't help but think of one of my favorite songs by Meat Loaf.  In "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights", the main character makes a promise, during a moment of passion, to love the girl "until the end of time".  He then falls out of love/infatuation and is then "praying for the end of time" so he can end his time with her.  He is nobly staying true to the promise he made but is not happy and is regretting it.

Do I believe people fall out of love?  Sure.  Do I believe that people who truly are in love never have problems and everything is always hunky dory and they never have to work on it and work things out?  NO.  Absolutely not.  There will be hard times. You commit to each other, "for better and worse".

All that being said, I believe that if you love a person (and they love you in return), you both should be willing to work on things.  You should be willing to fight for your love.  You should NOT settle and accept the cards that have been dealt to you.

Of course I do believe many rush into saying (and perhaps believing) that they are in love when it might not be the case.

Love at first sight...  Maybe, but unlikely.  Definitely infatuation/lust at first sight (of course).  However, that should not the the only thing a relationship is built on.

I like to think of "The Wedding Singer" Broadway or movie and the song "Grow Old With You".  

 

Beyond the infatuation/lust/love, whatever you want to call it, there are the little things that are very important.  To me at least.  Besides enjoying the others company you should enjoy the idiosyncrasies of the person, they should not be something that you put up with or cringe about but smile about.  A former girlfriend would get very tense walking on cracks in the sidewalk, she would grip my hand tighter when she had to walk on a crack or over a grate in the sidewalk (or was pulled over one by me - yeah I am twisted).  It did not exasperate me, it made me smile.  I thought it was cute.  

It is remembering the little things like how they like there hamburgers or what their favorite beverage is.

For me it is more than anything physical in the relationship, it is knowing that when you see that person, everything is going to be okay.  You can tell them anything and they won't judge you.  You can vent to them and you are ready to let them vent to you.  

Some of the best time you spend together is sitting silently watching T.V. and being comfortable enough to fall asleep and if it is the other that fell asleep enjoying just watching them peacefully sleeping.

Alas, I have not found that lady for myself but someday I will find someone who has a quirk that will make me smile each time I see it. Someone that I will want to grow old with.  Someone that I will want to take care of and who will want to take care of me.  Someone who I will feel perfectly at ease falling asleep next to, and who I can watch sleep and get a sense of peace.

Not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday.

"The course of true love never did run smooth"